She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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