I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
