Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
and she was petting her beer can
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am one with the molecules
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
