I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
