that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish I only lived at night.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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