When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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