Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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