i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
