cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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