Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
