Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
