got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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