Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
