I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
