remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
