I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
