fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize