you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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