I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
