She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
