And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize