i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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