I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
