they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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