I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
