so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
