I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
