No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
