He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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