Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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