Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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