Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
