i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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