Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
