bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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