the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize