i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
