my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
