I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
