This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
