Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize