just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
