I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
