I want to walk on stilts...naked
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize