Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
