ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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