I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
