So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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