Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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