He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
