i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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