My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Sober January is a disaster.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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