I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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