Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
