You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
we're so committed to being not committed
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
