i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize