broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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