Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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