Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
