I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
