Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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