it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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