Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
