all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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