You're completely useless in the revolution.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
