i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize