It's Friday. Sex?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
