Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize