Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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