So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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