4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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