i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
