sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize