You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
