i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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