Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
