sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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