Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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