Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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