I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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