new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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