You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
