$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
