I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
how drunk are you?
Several
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
