I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
