it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Randomize
