she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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