Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
