if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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