Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
