matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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