just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I would fuck him just for his dog
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
