when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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