I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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