I want to make a zoo with you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
its liver damage thursday
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
