i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
