1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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