its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
