it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
