His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
