You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
