how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
