okay pat passed out under dana's car
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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