listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize