So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
