Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
