1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
