oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
