I smell stomach acid.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
