and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
