Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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