shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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