he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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